They said I seemed better.

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I was replying on time. Showing up more. Smiling when I needed to. On paper, I was managing. But what they didn’t see was what it took to get there. The parts of myself I had to silence just to appear stable. The pressure to look fine even when I wasn’t.

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This is the quiet cost that many disabled and neurodivergent people carry at work. The invisible labour of seeming okay. And the longer it goes unseen, the more it eats away at us.

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What Quiet Coping Actually Looks Like

Quiet coping isn’t usually a sign of stability. It’s a sign someone is juggling more than they should have to. Often, it means managing both the symptoms and the optics. And that kind of dual effort? That’s a full-time job in itself.

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Quiet coping often happens in small, hard-to-spot ways – behaviours that are easy to miss but heavy to carry:

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The skipped lunches. The perfectly rehearsed office small-talk. The way you stiffen your body to seem composed, even when exhaustion pulses through every limb. The instinct to do twice as much, just so no one questions your place.

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These aren’t signs of getting better. They’re signs of silence. They’re what survival looks like when support feels out of reach, and visibility feels like risk.

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Why We Do It: The Pressure to Stay Palatable

Many of us grow up learning that asking for too much makes people uncomfortable. That in order to be accepted – or kept around – we need to be easy to manage. So we start performing ease. Performing health. We downplay our pain. Mask our needs. Practice internalised ableism without even realising it – until the performance becomes second nature. Until we start to believe we’re only as safe as we are convenient.

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The pressure to cope quietly is often baked into systems that reward output, not openness. It’s not just personal – it’s patterned. A 2021 survey from Disability Rights UK found that 1 in 3 disabled people chose not to request adjustments because they felt they didn’t need them “enough” or feared being seen as a burden.

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For many, the default isn’t safety. It’s silence.

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The Real Cost: Burnout, Detachment, and Quiet Exits

The cost of coping quietly builds slowly. It often shows up first as fatigue. Then fog. Then resentment. Then detachment.

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People leave not because they want to, but because the systems weren’t built to hold them.

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According to Deloitte’s 2022 report on mental health and work in the UK, poor mental health accounted for over £56 billion in lost productivity, with presenteeism (working while unwell) being a major driver.

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That’s not just a personal loss. It’s structural.

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When environments reward silence and penalise disclosure, people learn that being honest about their limits will cost them. So they stay silent until the only option left is to leave.

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We Deserve Better: Support Shouldn’t Require Breakdown

Support shouldn’t be reactive. It shouldn’t only kick in after someone burns out or breaks down. We deserve systems that prevent harm, not just ones that apologise for it afterwards.

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Reasonable adjustments are often framed as something you must “earn” by proving how bad things have become. But adjustments aren’t a favour. They’re a right. And they’re not just about physical tools or changes in hours. They’re about being able to do your job without sacrificing your health or masking your needs.

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If any of this feels familiar – the pressure, the coping, the invisible labour – know that you’re not imagining it. And you’re not alone.

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You Weren’t Meant to Cope Quietly

If you’ve been pushing through, masking, making it work without help, you’re not alone. But you also don’t have to keep doing it this way.

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Support isn’t something you have to earn. And asking for adjustments shouldn’t feel like a risk.

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Still, 78% of disabled employees say they had to initiate the process.
And 58% say getting what they needed depended on how confident they were in asking for it.

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It shouldn’t be this hard to be understood.

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It’s why we made our Reasonable Adjustments Guide – for people like you, in moments exactly like this.

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Inside, you’ll find over 70 real-world examples of adjustments across 9 different areas – from sensory needs and executive dysfunction to communication and schedule flexibility.

It’s plug-and-play phrasing, so you can ask clearly, confidently, and without shame. No over-explaining. No second-guessing.

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Pair it with our free Request Form, and you’re one email away from putting your needs into words – and into motion.

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The guide is linked here, and we’ve extended the 25% discount for a little while longer.

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Don’t wait until you’re burnt out to be believed. You’re allowed to ask now.